We are pleased to be able to tell
you about our regrettable experience with this former employee. This guy was so unproductive, the job
would have been better left unfilled.
If you too have been fooled into hiring this person, don’t come crying
to us.
His true abilities are
quite deceiving with his lackluster credentials; but at least he had the mandatory
criminal record & was give two thumbs up by his Parole Officer. It will be a constant struggle to
determine if this person is either extremely lazy or totally inept. But it will be inconceivable for you to
get any work out of this individual.
He consistently
overextended our payroll budget by padding his hours, requesting payroll
advances & cashing bad checks.
He could not care less about the numbers of hours he had to put in, because
he was always chronically absent &/or stoned. If missing, could be found
either smoking outside or stealing drinks in our bar. Please be aware that you should check the color of his eyes
before allowing him to clock in & check his pockets & backpacks before
letting him clock out.
We strongly recommend that
on payday, you pay this individual at the end of his shift & then plan to
remain closed for the next 2 days if you expect to get any job performance from
him. We also recommend that he be
scheduled the latest shift on the 3rd day or 4th just to be safe.
And as far as professional &
personal hygiene in hindsight would have been better if we had purchased lice
ridden monkeys & trained them ourselves. Because the State Health Department closed our establishment
during our peak tourist season due to a critical outbreak of ptomaine poisoning,
but we are thankful that no one died.
To summarized our
experience with this employee: Half
of our Cook Staff has been declared certifiably insane (supporting documents
available upon request), 3 of our Waitresses are pregnant & our Hostess has
joined the local Men’s Club (but is doing quite well). We have lost our hair, shirts, shorts,
minds, & sex drive, become addicted to energy drinks, & our dog has run
away from home, looking for a decent meal.
Please feel free to contact
us if you need further details. I can be reached at boss666@fook-it-all.com.
